Wednesday, March 26, 2014

My Mid Life Crisis! Turning 25!

I turned 25 this past October and leading up to that I was kind of sad that I couldn't celebrate how I'd prefer since I was pregnant. I don't like to drink, so for me, celebrating a special occasion means a tattoo or piercing. 

I felt like I was having a mini mid life crisis, and on my actual birthday, all I felt was a bit of depression from the fact that it was just another day in my life. 

After feeling so down, I realized that after Mya was born I needed a change. A change for ME, because I deserve it and it would make me feel better. 

While I'm not a shallow person, you'll have to understand that I got pregnant with my first daughter a couple months after I turned 18yrs old. From then until now, a couple months after turning 25, all I've done is focus on my children and the multiple pregnancies that got them here. 

While I love my children more than anything else on this world, the past 7yrs I neglected myself more than I should have. Sure I've gotten tattoos in-between pregnancies and went to the beauty shop every now and then, but I know that changing ME for the better also means I can be a better, healthier mother to my children and a better wife to my husband. Recently I read a post from "So Easy Being Green" blog that really hit home for me. She mentioned her recent trip to Kohl's and talked about loving her body even if its not perfect, and it kind of punched me in the gut and made me realize I need to try to love my body again.

My body's been put through a lot in the past 7yrs from 4 pregnancies, so why not learn to love me for me and be thankful for it because this body gave me 4 amazing children that I wouldn't change for the world!

I told my husband what I wanted 2014 to mean for me and my new change. I've had it pretty set in my head since my birthday in October and as time goes on, I'm more and more ready to slowly start the changes to a new and better me!

My Change List!

Change my hair! I'm a natural blonde. When I was 17 I dyed my hair brown on a whim with box dye from the store, and ever since then I've dyed my hair blonde. It's a lot of up-keep and as I've gotten older I've went from light blonde to dirty/dark blonde which makes it even more noticeable that I dye my hair. While I was pregnant I wanted my hair dark with blonde highlights and it got messed up and didn't look different so I decided to leave it alone until the pregnancy hormones were gone (it can affect hair dye). 

Next thing I want to change is learning how to take better care of myself with food. I drink tons of pop and its a real weakness of mine. Every time I have a baby I drop all the baby weight and then some for the first month, but it slowly comes back and I always look 4 months pregnant. Since I'm done having kids, I'd love to learn how to maintain a better body and downsize my muffin top. I've also been trying to figure out the best way to exercise my stomach for separated abdominal muscles in hopes of slimming my stomach down that way as well. 

I don't wear much jewelry, but I LOVE tattoos. Since my first tattoo at just 14yrs old, I crave them! I have so many little ideas for tattoos, but since they have to be meaningful, a lot involve ideas with my kids. Now that our family is complete, that means I can finally get some ideas I have out and on to my skin! The Talkin' Tattoos Tuesday posts that I do also help me find ideas for possible tattoos in my future, and help me define the ideas in my head more. 

My wardrobe! I recently had an unsuccessful trip to a retail store and I left in tears. Walking around trying to find my size and then finally finding it in the corner was a real hit to my soul. I don't feel "plus size" but in today's society a size 18 is huge when it comes to clothes. I'm now on the hunt for great stores (like Debs) that carry a full Plus Size selection and are also affordable. I really want to through out all my old clothes that make me look frumpy and boring, and slowly but surely exchange them for newer fashion that fits my body the way it is now instead of the body I used to have. 

I'm sure there's something I'm forgetting to list, but overall I just want my inside self to reflect my outside self. Inside I feel like a hot, skinny, tatted young woman ready to conquer the world. Outside I look frumpy, no make up, clothes that don't fit right, and always in a rush or trying to maintain my cool while in public with all my kids alone. HAHA. 

I'll update every now and then as I make some goals and hopefully this year is a plus for me with completing the healing of myself. Not only to become a better me, but a better role model, mother, and wife.


Lindsey said...

Oh, Michelle! I am SO PROUD OF YOU for declaring those goals out loud. That's the first step. And I'm honored that my post meant something to you. I had SO many shopping trips like you described before I really feel like accepting my body. Sure, I'd like to work harder and better - but if we don't accept ourselves first, we're just going to be continually beating ourselves down and that will get us nowhere!

We can do it... TOGETHER!