Thursday, June 11, 2015

Battling "Last Baby Syndrome" Part 2

Let me start this post by saying I love my children. They're the reason for everything my husband and I do in our daily lives. Why we get up in the morning, and why we work so hard to make sure they have a life without want. With that being said, this is my own personal thoughts and feelings while adjusting to Motherhood knowing our family is whole with our 4 little girls. 

Sorry for such a long post, but I love using this blog to get my thoughts out and to share parts of my life other than reviews. I hope you all enjoy.

This is a follow up post to my original posted March 2014

We got pregnant with our first child just three months after I turned 18yrs old. We'd been together for three years, and while she wasn't planned, we were ready to start our lives as parents and a journey that would change our lives forever. From that point, we grew our family by three more little girls, built/bought our first home, and adjusted to some job changes along the way. 

Life can be hard with four children. I only have two arms, one mouth, one set of eyes, and I'm always stretched thin. No matter the case, I've continued to battle with wanting another baby. 
I thought as Mya got older the feeling of more would go away. I could learn to move on from this feeling, and close the baby chapter of my life. Now that she is officially 18 months old, I've found this feeling to be stronger than ever before. 

It seems as though as she gets older and I see the "baby" side of her fade, it only makes my heart want a baby more. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing her smile, interact with me and her sisters, get so excited because daddy's home from work, and so much more.... but I miss tiny babies. 

I miss being pregnant and feeling the rolls, hiccups, and bladder kicks. I miss watching my body grow and change knowing there's a life inside me, and I love the way my girls interact with my belly showing their sibling so much love before they ever see them. 

I miss delivery! Doesn't that sound so weird?! lol. I totally miss it though. My last two children were natural births, and I just love knowing that all the pain, being so exhausted, back labor, cries that I can't do it anymore, are so worth it when I see that beautiful baby and witness how amazing a woman's body can truly be. 

Tiny little baby feet, sweet smelling skin, the first time they look up at you after such a crazy entrance in to this world..... everything is magical. 

Sometimes I wonder if the feeling will ever get better. I know my sister has told me she still has the feeling 15 years after her last child was born. How as women, do we learn to live with this feeling? This "ache" as it was described in another blog post I recently read. 

As I watch my children grow in to young ladies, I find happiness in seeing them succeed in school and every day life, so why is this nagging "ache" so over powering?! When I see pregnant women on tv or at the store, my heart flutters at the thought of being pregnant again. 

My husband and I have talked about this time and time again, but he doesn't want any more children. Because of this, I don't know where to go from here. I want to get rid of all the baby stuff (except favorite outfits) but its hard to go through and see, knowing it'll be gone forever. I always think, 
"What if?" 

Anyone have any friendly advice for me??
Any tips on learning to deal with/get over the ache for more??
I'd love to hear any thoughts/suggestions!!


Renee Smith said...

I know this feeling all too well. We have 6 daughters, ages 23 down to 2 years. I knew #6 would be our last, but I don't want it to be over. I will be 45 in a couple months and I know it wouldn't be wise at this point to have more, but that ache is there. I feel like I am mourning. I always thought I would reach a point where I felt "done." But so far, I'm not there. I just try to remind myself that grand babies may be here in the near future.

Jessica said...

I feel the same. Although, I only have one child, a son. He is almost 16 months old, and even though I'm 20, and most people say I shouldn't rush, considering I'm in college, I have the strongest sense of want that you could imagine. I think my son would make an amazing big brother, and I want a daughter SO bad. I feel as though if I had one more, the want would go away, as my ideal number of children is 2. I hope you eventually become content with the amount of children you have, or if you want another, go on to expand your family!

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Diana Chastain said...

I don't have any advice. I am going through the same as you. We have two. I am still breastfeeding my now 15 month old son because I just can't let go of the baby stage. I pushed to help my daughter wean at 12 months, even though she did until 14 because she was born so close to Christmas. But with my son? I'm not even really trying even though I lie to everyone around me and say that I am. But I just can't let go. I cried when he got his big boy hair cut, I didn't when my daughter got hers. I don't want to forward face him the car (for multiple reasons), even though my husband is pushing for it. And I know it's mostly because I don't want to let the baby stage go because even though Hubby and I both go back and forth on whether we want another, it still could be over.