The role of the father in the education of our children
There are many cultural attribution stereotypes about what is masculine and what is feminine. That has penetrated the marriage. Now there was a very unfair model. The man had been attributed a role of supplying animal, which comes to us from the Neolithic Age. But since he was the home’s animal provider, and still is, what he did was disinterested in other things, and he has done that very well too. He has become a delegating father of the education of his children in women. He delegated everything to the woman: pay a bill, find a girl, take the child to the doctor, talk to the tutor, educate on manners, etc. has worked like this until the middle of the 20th century.
A family model has to set up where the mother has a maternal instinct, and the husband has nothing. Paternal instinct has never been discussed; it seems that it does not exist. But it does exist, and there is a lot of documentable, empirical, and critical evidence and data.
This is an absolutely wrong and probably self-serving social attribution to what is masculine and feminine. But it is broken when what was “normal” regarding the roles that men and women have to play within the marriage explodes. This is when marriages start to break down. And this gives rise to very different types of family. We have the reconstituted family, the single-parent family, the family without a family, the de facto couples, and the sentimental moves in any way you want. Which allows us to return to where we were at the beginning: What is the role of men and women as father and mother?
We are going to continue with the roles that society has attributed to them. Some are probably very well-founded because they, in turn, have a biological and psychological substrate that guarantees that this is so and not otherwise. But others must have been the great deception of many centuries.
I am not saying that the role of the male is now to clean diapers or to breastfeed. I am sure that most parents are not parents because they neglect all the functions entirely that a parent has to do with a child from birth. The father joins the role of fatherhood when the child is five years old, and at that age, they have not found out anything, and neither has the child found out that he had a father.
An issue that is also huge in psychology is attachment, that is, the strong bonds established between a newborn in the first years of life with his parents. All the passion depends on the mother-child relationship. The father does not appear, and this is a great lie, a great falsehood. And that is not because the man is a lazy animal or scandalously young, although in part yes because that is the excellent play: today the woman works 14 hours and the man at most eight because she works out as much as he and maybe it is also more of a supplier than he is in terms of material products, and at the same time he has to work hours at home, which is another super day.
The husband is not that he does not have the willingness to collaborate, but he does not believe that this is his role. He is living with a wrongful conviction, but conviction after all. The important thing is that he is deprived of what could most enhance him as a man by carrying out fatherhood. Therefore, it is not that they do it out of selfishness, but that the social model itself has led them there.
The current fact is that the father is absent from the family, he spends less time than he should in more points that are inalienable for the children, with an excessive maternal role (due to the paternal absence); in some cases also because the absence of the father is added to the lack of the mother, and therefore we can speak of a family without parents. The great sufferers are first the children, then the father and the mother, and consequently in third place chronologically, but not least from the entire society’s ontological point of view. Today the great sufferer of all these ravings is society, which also often leads to a crisis of state and government. The consequences, then, are dire.
An absent father is a father for whom all this emotional language (without falling into emotionalism but giving it importance) has not worked for him. For this reason, to a large extent, it is difficult for men to express their emotions. That has to do with child attachment and first bonds, and a lot. It also has to do with temperament, a hormonal, biological variable that does not change throughout the evolution of each person’s life. Although it also has to do with education and has to do with the emotional styles passed down from one generation to another? And with the vibrant types transmitted from the family of origin to the new family that a young man and an immature woman form;
When the father is absent, there are many deficits as a consequence. There is a perceptual deficit, a deficit in visual-motor development, a deficiency in psychomotor skills and fine and gross motor movements; there are very significant affective deficits, there are cognitive deficits in social skills. The fact that it is not so difficult for a person to introduce himself, greet, speak, meet, live together, which constitutes the framework of the thousand and one human relationships in the context and scope of what society is, has a lot to do with the fact that in a family the doors are open, the windows are open, everyone is welcomed, if they call on the phone everyone seems charming; On the contrary, it has nothing to do with that family in which the doors are closed, the windows too, no one is ever invited there,
And this also has to do with self-esteem, and with hetero-esteem, and with the importance that for each person what other people think, or how others love them. That is, it has to do with the bio-psycho-social ascriptions throughout the natural unfolding of a person.
In other words, the father is as necessary as the mother in the education, development, and genesis of all the children’s psychic functions.
The authority between husband and wife must be distributed; the family structure is not monarchical but two-headed. They are two different ways of being in the world, both equally necessary. Neither of them can be renounced nor dispensable nor substitutable by the other. Both incidents in the development, origin, and genesis of all the abilities, functions, capacities, strategies, skills of the children. No social and personal roles dependent on gender and sex are today taken individually, complete. They are incomplete, so they tend to be completed, which is why they need and require each other.
It is a reality; the father is working all day. He will be an excellent person, but maybe he will spend 16 hours working because he will want to take the children to a better school. He is a generous man who should be commended for many things. This is a birth father. Only that absence does not do your child any good because it does not educate him; it does not make him grow, even biologically. A father who takes his child and takes him to the market and says: “this is called like that, and that’s why …”, because the child will have a vibrant language, and will encourage creativity because the father takes time to where it cannot and the child sees it. This will provide a great benefit to the father because if he is a married man with children, the question of fatherhood does not pervade his entire life, he does not find out. Go through parenthood without breaking or staining it. She has not found out what it is, which hurts her, because then, at 40 or 50 years old, they start to miss her, and the fury of fatherhood will come to her.
One has to make parenthood great. Every time a father affirms a son, whatever it is, even if he is one year old, he will be establishing himself as a father, even if he is not doing it for that reason. But simultaneously and inevitably, it happens: if you affirm a son, you declare yourself as a father. If you are just married at the age of 30 and have a child, establish him as a child, spend time with him, and have a great time with him. Do you have a good time with your children? So his family is doing well.